i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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