if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
BRING THE BAGELS
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
