So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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