East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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