How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dignity is for republicans.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
