I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
