"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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