Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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