we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
