I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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