just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
BRING THE BAGELS
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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