I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
