I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You've changed since you got that strap on
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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