So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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