P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
