This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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