I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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