Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
