So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
