He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
