Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
