How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
