I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
