i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My liver just had a heart attack.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
