True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
