everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
