Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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