I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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