Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
