I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
