i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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