I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
