I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
