i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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