I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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