Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
