I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
