Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
