I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
