is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
