don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
