a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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