Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
