Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
