what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
