she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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