I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
