you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
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I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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