You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
