Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
