I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
