Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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