I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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