I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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