Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
