dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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