i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
