my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
