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Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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