it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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