i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
