Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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