My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
