How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
