After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
