Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
