My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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