if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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