cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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